Parkinson's Disease Not Sexy Enough, I Guess

Open Letter to Michael J. Fox:

Dear Mike,

Maybe I'm just a cranky old poop. Yeah, that's probably it.

I'm sneaking up on my 12th anniversary with Parkinson's, Mike. And I stumbled across a story this afternoon that instantly put me in a grumpy mood.

That's the only reason I can come up with for thinking this completely unrelated thought.

I noticed where one Parkinson's disease group or another was raising money by holding a marathon race.

Don't get me wrong. The participants are good people trying to raise money to fight this beast of a disease. The organizations that put on these events really do care about those of us who live day in, day out with this progressive neurological disorder. I'm glad these people care enough. I'm happy they're involved. I'm grateful they are working so hard to benefit those of us who can't run marathons ourselves.

So it is only me who thinks holding a marathon to raise money for Parkinson's disease research is like holding a pie-eating contest to raise money to fight world hunger?<

Why do I think thoughts like that?

Why is it whenever I hear about someone doing something to raise money for PD, it involves riding a bike 6,000 miles or climbing Mount Everest, or spending a week in a scuba gear at the bottom of the Marianas Trench? Why do I allow myself to have negative thoughts about this sort of fund-raising effort?

Is it merely jealousy because I can't walk from the kitchen to the bathroom without my roller walker, and along the way I will freeze and bounce?

Or is it because I realize the only way you can get people to care about Parkinson's disease is to have people climbing mountains or riding bikes or wrestling alligators -- as long as the event involves relatively healthy people who won't cause the view to turn away in disgust?

Oh, yeah. The story that started all this.

I was just looking for something to write about when I stumbled on this news item on the WTOP News Site.

WASHINGTON - Actor Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali have become the faces of Parkinson's disease, but local researchers are looking to see whether exercise and memory training can help with the disease's debilitating symptom of memory loss.

Madre de Dios! You've played a journalist before, right, Mike?? Have you ever seen a worse lead to a news story in your entire life? It's like it was written, not to inform, but for Search Engine Optimization. What in God's Name do you and "the Champ" have to do with memory loss?

Here's the bridge.

Tremors are often associated with Parkinson's disease, "but a fair number of people with Parkinson's develop memory impairment," says Karen Anderson, a neuro-psychiatrist at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.